There are some mornings when you wake up, sip your cup of coffee and think about those really important questions in life. This morning’s question was, “How many pairs of underwear does the average Indian male own?” Per this article, “an Indian woman now keeps about eight brassiere compared with 5-6 pieces in the past. The number of panties in her wardrobe has almost doubled to 10”, but no such numbers are available for the Indian male. Google fu skills failed. A quick poll amongst peers led to a consensus on <=5 for the urban and <=3 for the rural male. Wisdom of the crowd and all that. A few were generous and suggested the number might be a little higher if we include the chaddis with chhed.
“I like dogs better than men and cats better than dogs and myself best of all, drunk in my underwear looking out the window.” ― Bukowski, Charles
The Indian male and his underwear have a fascinating relationship. Till his early teens, the underwear is purchased by the mother. Once he is 3-5 years into his married life, the underwear becomes part of the ‘to-be-purchased-every-six-months’ list maintained by the wife. Thus, we have a window of approximately 15 years from the age of 15 to 30 where the male has to figure out the brand and the type of underwear to buy along with other stuff like what to pursue in college, whether to stay in the hometown or move out and whether to find love or patiently wait for the arranged marriage. During this time, our guy will transition from the Baba chhap underwear to Rupa to Jockey and maybe go a little more premium. Or may be not. Side A and side B usage will eventually become a thing of the past. Hopefully. Holes in the underwear or loose threads may no longer be tolerated by our man. He may also briefly have a phase of around 2 years where he will wear low waist trousers that show off the band. Meanwhile, what are the ads telling him?
Luck, Toing and all that Jazz: Right from the 80’s till date, the underwear ad follows a set template of machismo of the alpha male and sexual desire being evoked in the female of the species.
One of the most memorable Indian ad, this VIP Frenchie ad had Dilip Tahil jumping off the balcony in time to save the honor of lady. Everyone noticed how the eve teaser is all decked up in a suit while the hero is in his bare essentials.
In recent times, we have Varun Dhawan eventually ending up in an open convertible in his underwear and being driven away by the firang lady who almost kidnaps the willing participant. The Indian male is now irresistible to the white woman.
In between there was Sana Khan. It was one of the few times the woman was acknowledging that she was getting it good on TV. The device of choice to convey this was the underwear.
But what really is the connection between a man’s masculinity and his underwear?
1. Average UK man’s underpants are four years old and some wear them for an entire week.
2. Two-thirds of British men still rely on their mothers, wives and girlfriends to buy their boxers.
Google refuses to tell me who is buying chaddis for my desi brothers, but chances are that our andar ki baatien are not drastically different from the Brits. I should probably stay in my lane, but the taut elastic of my new boxers (thanks, sweetheart, what would I ever do without you?) snaps me back to my question.
And its not about who wears it – but who’s buying it.
If the underwear is truly the dharohar of testosterone and machopana, why is the Indian female so clinically comfortable with deciding when it’s time for a new set of three, actively looking for them, asking for the right sizes, examining elastic life, material quality – and then choosing and purchasing for the man in her life? If the underwear is truly an extension of a man’s virility, like say, his condoms, his aftershave – heck, even his jeans – would he be OK with his wife buying them for him with no thought for whether it ‘met his personality’?
The underwear is a low involvement product. It is so basic that male underwear purchase can be used as an indicator to identify incoming recession. When times are tough, the purchase of the non essentials are delayed. The male underwear, for men, is a non essential. We men are totally OK with holes in our underwear during hard times. Some of us are OK with it during good times, too.
While the female underwear, is cute, pretty, quirky and sexy, the male underwear, be it clad around the celebrity manhood of Varun Dhawan or Dilip Tahil – will forever remain a chaddi. Comfort, hygeine, tikau. Possibly why more and more women are now buying male underwear – for themselves as well.
Whatever you’re stuffing in your underwear – its not your mardangi.
