The way we have conceived the idea of finding love, as depicted in pop culture as well, always involved an element of familiarity. You unexpectedly realise that your soulmate was your best friend from school or the girl next door- the one who was right beside you all along. Finding love was not distinct from one’s social sphere.
Online dating apps shifted this narrative. Providing a larger pool to pick from, people are encouraged to look for their soulmate today, and not shackle themselves to “the one within their network”.
Let’s look at the case of Anusha (*name changed to protect identity) to see what such a change would imply to relationships-
Anusha is a 22-year old engineering graduate from Mumbai, who is starting out her first job. The unfamiliarity and the newness that came with being a fresher overwhelmed her, but she decided to embrace the new beginning. Her friends were also excited for her to start afresh. For them, a new job is not only an important professional milestone, but also an avenue to find a potential partner. While wishing her luck on her first day, they briefly mentioned their hopes for her to spark up an office romance, similar to their favourite on-screen couples they grew up watching. Anusha laughed it off, expressing no interest towards furthering her friends’ ideas. Little did they know that she had plans of her own. Her friends were right about one thing. Anusha was ready to put herself out there, but her office was not the right place for it. The right place was a dating app, which she had installed a week ago.
“I have installed Bumble before just out of curiosity. But this time, I had a very bad day at home and work. Bumble is a good escape because in that room full of strangers, I get to be whoever I want. I have agency over what I display to that world.”
Creating multiple realities with their identity is not a concept novel to GenZs like Anusha. Millennials, the generation of internet’s first children, have already done that before. However, being a patchwork of online and offline personalities, Gen Z don their hats better than millennials did- ensuring that identities exist cohesively with neither overlapping one another. Take the case of Anusha, an ardent foodie who spends every weekend finding unexplored street food corners in her city. The loyal followers on her food blog should not get blindsided by her Instagram persona; she spends the rest of her week counting her calories and maxing out at the gym. GenZs can do both, and everything else they choose to do. Even in the app universe, there is no consistent face that can represent Anusha. For her, apps like Tinder and Bumble are yet another compartment to showcase her “dating persona”.
Dating apps were also designed to converse with people easily. With matches vetted and curated based on the user’s interests, there is always an ice breaker to seize the awkward. This was the case with Tarun, Anusha’s first Bumble match. She swiped right on him because of their similar music taste. Especially after the pandemic, this ease and comfort in engaging with new people through the conventional offline way has reduced.
There weren’t many offline avenues for Anusha apart from her social circle and her workplace. She did not wish to complicate the rapport she had with her coworkers.
“If things go south, I would not want to sit across from this person and see their face every day.”
Anusha turned down her friends’ offer to be set up with their mutual friends too. Being in a relationship with someone her friends knew would give away access to her dating personality; it would make her fodder for gossip. With too many people involved, it would be difficult to disengage if things don’t work out. This was not the case with dating apps. It is as easy to disengage as it is to engage with someone on an app.
Being on Bumble gave her privacy from her personal life.
Relationships that emerge from these apps are siloed, shorter and more casual, with no social network to uphold them. Mutual network members play a crucial role in enhancing the closeness in a relationship (Milardo 1982). In long-term relationships void of any social ties, the importance of social networks would manifest differently.
Anusha illustrates a scenario that would involve exposing another platform persona.
“I would never meet a Bumble match directly offline. My friend, who also used a dating app, went on a date with a match months ago. They spoke on Instagram for a few weeks before deciding to meet. I would also do the same. That is an important buffer for me because I get to know his social life, how his friends are.”
Given the strength of social ties, would an app like Masquerade sustain relationships, where one can enjoy the perks of anonymity, while also making new connections within their social network?
